Throughout the course of the novels, BRETT can usually be depended on to cause extreme embarrassment for his companions whenever they happen to dine in an expensive, classy restaurant.
In this scene from "BRETT ALWAYS WINS": Having just finished consuming an extravagant meal with his date Vicki Finnegan, BRETT has lit up a Marlboro, and upon being told by the waiter that he's sitting in a no-smoking section, he's refused to put out his cigarette. (No surprise there, of course!) About 5 minutes later, the waiter re-appears at his table.
(from Chapter 14 - "Brett Acts Up in Public")
That sad-sack waiter of ours came back over to our table, and he had a bulky-looking individual with a stern face standing right behind him. They both positioned themselves in such a way that they stood perpendicular to where we sat, and the smaller guy of the two – the one with the rotten attitude – announced in a somewhat hostile manner,
“I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you people to get the bill squared away and to leave – as soon as possible.”
Vicki froze up upon hearing what the guy had just said, and she looked over at me as if expecting that I was the person she had designated as the one to make the next move. So, I looked back at her and raised my cigarette to my lips.
“No problem, baby. Just pay the guy, and let’s screw. This place sucks anyways.”
“But –“ she stammered like a useless, empty-headed twerp, which is probably what she really was, despite all the sweetness she’d displayed so far while in my company, and despite the excellent rapport she had established earlier with Friendly Freddy (ahem). Hey, she might be good for one or two more laps-around-the-track, but that was about it.
“You heard me, baby,” I repeated, this time speaking to her minus the charming smile I’d been wearing up till then. “Pay the guy, and let’s get the hell out of here.”
In a bit of a huff and, in my opinion, with extremely poor grace, Vicki rose to her feet, stuck her hands in her purse, said something about being embarrassed out of her skull, and brought out a few bills which she immediately slapped upon the table and said,” There!” in a real fresh voice. Then she turned on her heel without so much as a parting Have-a-good-night to the two stoical visitors to our table.
Watching her storm away from us, I chuckled a bit as I pushed my chair back and then smiled at the two guys, both of whom were still standing off to the side, wearing solemn expressions on their faces.
Completely ignoring the smaller guy of the two, I stepped up real close to the big stern-looking guy who hadn’t said a word so far on account of he was too busy trying to look tough. Only inches from his face, I raised my cigarette to my lips and kept it there, then I winked at him and said softly, so that he was the only one who could hear me,
“Don’t worry, man. She’ll be all over me within the next five minutes, guaranteed.”
Then the guy tightened his jaw as I slapped the side of his face in buddy-buddy fashion and then headed out the door.
The question then arises: Will she REALLY be all over him within the next 5 minutes?
Hint: As Brett always says, "It's great being me!"
So then, the answer is obvious -- ain't it? ? ? (There I go, sounding like Brett again!)
Thanks for reading this!
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