Thursday, January 28, 2016
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Towards the end of "DON'T MESS WITH BRETT" this little scene takes place shortly after Lola Buchanan's older sister has passed away:
(in Brett's own words, as usual)
Well, I kept my distance from Lola and her whole family over the course of the next few days. Needless to say, unscrupulous bastards are not exactly welcomed with open arms in very many places, least of all at wakes and funerals; and if Lola had been counting on leaning on me for moral support while she was in mourning over her sister’s death, she was pretty much wasting her time – especially after she took a time-out from her period of grief to inform me that, if I hadn’t attended Roxie and Clarence’s double-shower a few weeks ago, none of these people’s lives would have been ruined, and I simply told her, “Not my problem, babe. You were the one who invited me to go there with you in the first place, remember?” So, that was that! Plus, hadn’t she just finished telling me about this fantastic new boyfriend of hers on the police force? If she really needed a shoulder to cry on, then, she could always turn to Macho-Man Bailey, couldn’t she, and she could water that ugly shaved head of his with her tears all night long to the point where something might actually grow on it! Hey, after all, I did have my own agenda, and I even went out of my way at one point to tell her that, regarding her sister’s death, she should try not to let it get to her.
“People die. It happens. Deal with it,” is what I told her, so in a sense, I was acting like a genuinely kind and caring person, wouldn’t you say?
Genuinely kind & caring?
Brett? ? ?
Well -- Maybe in the warped alternate reality known as Brett's World !!
Monday, December 14, 2015
Actually, as all you Brett fans the world over would already know, this is an excerpt from the novel "BRETT ALWAYS WINS" -- not "Breakfast with Brett & the Girls" which doesn't even exist (yet).
The scene is Brett's kitchen. Brett is seated at the table with his newest client Paula Marshall while his live-in girlfriend Ginger has been making breakfast over at the stove. . .when THIS little incident/conversation transpires:
I attacked my breakfast with gusto, and soon Ginger had a tall glass of o.j. in front of me which – even to the naked eye – appeared to spell pulp-a-mania to me in no uncertain terms. She was being such a good slave hyphen cook hyphen waitress just then that I hated to do it, but when she set another plateful of food down upon the table and sat down in front of it, I reached over, took that plate, and set it down in front of Paula instead.
“She needs it a lot more than you do, babe,” I told Ginger before she managed to get a word out of her mouth. “We got more eggs in the ‘fridge, don’t we, so what’s the big deal? Just you scoot back over to the stove and whip up a few more – and some for yourself, too. Oh, and I’ll be needing more orange juice pretty soon.”
“How soon would that be? – In less than two shakes of a duck’s ass, I suppose?” Ginger wanted to know, her eyes narrowed at me like any minute now she’d lash out at me with claws extended. Me! The man she was presumably so much in love with, would you believe it? And that not-so-subtle duck’s-ass allusion? What was up with that?
“Whatever you say, sweet-cakes,” was my cool response. “Just bring me the damned food when it’s ready, that’s all I’m asking.”
“Haven’t you ever heard of the word ‘please?’” she then threw back at me in a testy manner as she stood over me, hands on hips, thinking that somehow I’d find her stance and attitude tremendously intimidating, so I shot back,
“Haven’t you ever heard of the phrase ‘I don’t give a shit?’”
A lovely way to start the day -- if you happen to be an UNSCRUPULOUS BASTARD, that is !!!
Monday, December 22, 2014
Well, this must be a Holiday Gift from the Fates themselves (as Brett himself would put it): "DON'T MESS WITH BRETT" actually has 10 reviews posted on Amazon, all of them 5-star reviews.
Have readers started to fall in love with the Unscrupulous Bastard himself?
Have they maybe even begun to understand that he's a fictional character, an anti-hero, and NOT A REAL PERSON?
(That's for the occasional reader who claims they can't stand him.)
Anyway, here's the latest review for "DON'T MESS. . ." --
This review is from: Don't Mess with Brett (Brett Cornell Series Book 9) (Kindle Edition)
Outrageous, over the top, side-splitting funny. This is a book to be savored again and again. Brett is badly behaved, but it doesn't stop a reader rooting for him.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS from BRETT & THE GIRLS !!!
Monday, November 24, 2014
This review, posted on Goodreads and written by someone who calls herself Claire, could probably be applicable to any book in the series.
In this case, it was written after she'd just read "BEACH BUM BRETT."
I almost forgot how much I loved these books! Once again I read the whole thing in one evening because it’s just too much fun to put down, and you just HAVE to see how Brett will react to any situation… because it’s usually offensive and wrong and unexpected… but then at times things just work out his way! Although it amazes me that he manages to get ANY women the way he acts and talks to them. And there is plenty of action and it never gets boring at all. This isn’t the deepest of plots ever, b I almost forgot how much I loved these books! Once again I read the whole thing in one evening because it’s just too much fun to put down, and you just HAVE to see how Brett will react to any situation… because it’s usually offensive and wrong and unexpected… but then at times things just work out his way! Although it amazes me that he manages to get ANY women the way he acts and talks to them. And there is plenty of action and it never gets boring at all. This isn’t the deepest of plots ever, but it is entertaining and makes for a fun, engrossing read. I actually recommend other books in the series as well, as they are just as good.
Sounds like she's a fan !!!
Friday, October 31, 2014
The poor, persecuted, self-proclaimed unscrupulous bastard -- (that would be Brett Cornell, for those of you who haven't been formally introduced to our "hero") -- takes a couple of shots on the chin in this little extract from "BEACH BUM BRETT" wherein the local homicide detective (Captain Prentiss) has gathered his suspects together -- a la Hercule Poirot, you might say -- and is about to ascertain the precise sequence of events, as related to the murder currently being investigated.
And so, in Brett's own words:
Then the boring part came when each one of them was asked to relate what had happened all night. The two lifeguards told the same story, just like you’d expect from a pair of losers like them, saying that everybody’d been real friendly with each other and having a good time when “that tough punk” Brett Cornell had burst into their midst and disrupted everything.
“Me and Steve here,” said Duane, “were just standing out on the terrace with Craig, minding our own business, when that punk-bastard-know-it-all-punk-bastard turns around and slugs me for no reason.”
“By ‘punk-bastard-know-it-all-punk-bastard’ – I take it you’re referring to me,” I broke in with. Then I leaned in towards Prentiss once again and watched him scrawl something in his little notebook, so I told him,” Make sure you get that right, man. That’s ‘punk-bastard-know-it-all-punk –“
“I heard what he said,” the guy cut me off, suddenly losing his cool. But then, just as suddenly, he reverted to his old boring self and looked over towards Duane once again and asked him to continue. Whereupon good old Duane told him,
“After that punk-bastard-punk or whatever-you-wanna-call-him slugged me, I went down for the count, so I don’t know what happened after that, but I’m sure Steve can tell you.”
“I sure can,” the idiot said, picking up his cue from Idiot #1, and his eyes kind of twinkled as if he were enjoying himself, as he continued,” That punk-bastard-know-it-all-punk –“
“Just call him Cornell!” Prentiss yelled out, starting to lose it all over again. “We all know who the punk-bastard in question happens to be.”
But rest assured, dear readers. By novel's end, Brett is exonerated of all wrongdoing -- as far as the murder itself is concerned -- and is free to go on his merry way and disrupt and ruin the lives of even more completely innocent, clueless people in the next installment of the series: "DON'T MESS WITH BRETT"
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Science-fiction fans -- and those of you who just couldn't get enough of "The Twilight Zone" and "The Outer Limits" --
"PHASE 4" is now available on Amazon (Kindle format)
Check it out here: